Stay Casual, Be Precious
by LovelyLadyLooks
Summary: Some things can be casual and precious at the same time. But does that mean it can be enough? TonyGibbs !ONLY chapter names are mixed up! The order is CORRECT! Chapter 9 finally up. Sorry for the wait
1. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: not mine, just having fun writing fanfiction

Warnings: maybe OCC, angst, slash (is that a warning? lol)

Pairing: Gibbs/DiNozzo

**Stay casual be precious**

It was strange, really. The way things can change so quickly without noticing it yourself. Maybe not strange, but ironic. I, a federal agent, self proclaimed trained investigator and didn't see what was right in front of me… but then again, most people don't when it comes to their own feelings.

I guess I'm not the exception to the rule when I say that I tend to ignore uncomfortable truths. Such as being gay in a not so gay-friendly entourage (that's putting it nicely!). Or such as having the hots for your own boss. I like to think that I can handle all this, the attraction, the mood swings, the mother-Henning when Gibbs in one of his reckless moods.

Which is more often the case then not, of course since we're speaking of our fearless-bas-ass-second-b-is-for-bastartd-exmarine-sniper. Who just so happens to be not as straight as most people assume.

You wanna know how I got that particular piece of information? Let's say I had some hands-on experience. It was a pretty earth shattering moment. We were investigating Pacci's murder and of course Gibbs and I went to do the legwork. The suspicious look we got from the building manager should have been our first clue but when he asked us in all seriousness whether we were a couple or not I almost chocked on my forced laughing.

I of course denied any romantic involvement and when I turned to Gibbs to let him speak his mind I was in for a surprise. He didn't say a thing but his look… it spoke volumes and when he winked and smirked mischievously I was close to checking myself in to the psych ward. Of course I didn't jump him right then and there.

I kept it low, but after having been kidnapped by that crazy woman I turned up at his house the night they found us. I couldn't be alone and I wasn't ashamed to admit that this time I was as close to death I could have been without actually being dead… and it scared the shit out of me.

Needless to say where we ended up, I guess. I won't say he made love to me because he didn't. He fucked me and fucked me good, just as I had asked –no, begged- him to do. I needed to feel alive again and gentle and slow wouldn't do. I wanted rough, hard and frantic.

And that was exactly what I got. He took me; he owned me and my body. I came so hard I almost saw stars and I got the impression that Gibbs was pretty out of it too, considering the fact that he didn't bother cleaning up but just fell onto the bed next to me.

What came then had to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I turned to him and somehow landed practically lying in his arms. I'm usually not a cuddler, it totally depends on the person I'm with and my emotional state but honest to god? I wouldn't have minded falling asleep in his arms. I know he wouldn't let anything hurt something he considered his. However he wasn't so glad with my course of action since all I got was a gruffy grunt and that was it.

Believe me I can take a hint and this one? A blind man could have seen it, at midnight, wearing sunglasses. So I did what I had to do. I sucked it up, took my clothes and left. You gotta do what you have to do.

I even went as far and started writing my resignation. When I got in to work in the morning I was ready to hand it over to Gibbs but when he acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened I kept it. It was then when I saw my suspicions confirmed.

What we shared that night was nothing special to him. It was a fling, a one-night-stand, a casual thing between two people. I told myself to be glad he considered me attractive enough to heat the sheets with him but I knew that wouldn't be all I wanted. It wasn't all I wanted with Gibbs.

It took me quite a while to realise what it was that I wanted with him. I wanted to wake up in the morning with him lying next to me. I wanted to spend my free time with him. Not doing anything but being together without the pressure of being anybody else but myself. Clearly my feelings weren't shared.

Life went on and we solved case after case. That is until my undercover assignment came in and I came even closer to death than last time. It was scary that I liked the guy so much. Jeffrey was a broken man. And on top of that a ruthless killer with mo sense of morality. My ignorance almost cost me my life but maybe ignorance is the wrong word. I was totally unaware of his intentions and that scared me most. I could read people and I did it well… or so I thought until that moment.

So I got away again but I was also remembered of what happened last time. I went to Gibbs, got fucked into next week and then rejected. I sure as hell wouldn't make the same mistake again. Once bitten twice shy is what they say and never did I believe it more.

After all I didn't exactly consider Gibbs' joke with McGee very funny. White hot fury had cursed through my body when he told me that I was irreplaceable to him and then snatched it away again.

My self-esteem can only take so much and the limit is much lower with Gibbs than with other people. I guess he always has had a special place in my life. Too bad he'll never find out just how special.

My resignation is in my hand again and I read it over. It's going to be the last time because as of tomorrow Gibbs will have one copy and the director of NCIS too. Maybe the decision seems rushed but I had enough time to think it over. I'm burned out and the situation's eating me up.

Pathetic, isn't it? I, wonanizer extra-ordinaire and frat-boy for live, have feelings too, believe it or not. Many people think that I have no depth, that all I am is surface and maybe I didn't exactly encourage them to think differently but at least my coworkers should know that there is more than meets the eye. We trust each other with our lives but right now I can't deal with this anymore. Coming so close to death in a short period of time makes me reconsider if meaningless is all I want… or all I can be satisfied with.

I power up my laptop and send two emails. One is for the director and one for Gibbs. The one for Madame Director is short. She doesn't need to know what my "personal reasons" are to accept my resignation. The one for Gibbs is a little longer. I tell him that I need to move on and it's the truth. However we'll see if he can read between the lines and actually realize that I need to move on from HIM.

Maybe I can't be everything for Gibbs so I'll be nothing for him from now on. I got used to DC but something's gotta give. It's time to update my resume again.

The thing Gibbs and I shared probably will always stay casual but he sure as hell will always be precious to me.

Fin

reviews are appreciated )


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: nothing belong to me, only the plot

Warning: pre-slash (i hate the word but still), maybe OOC, angst

Author's note: Hey folks thanks a lot for your feedback on the first part. In the beginning i wanted "Stay casual be precious" to be a one-shot but after some thoughts and lovely feedback my fingers kept itching. I just _had _to write a second chapter. Maybe there will be a third but that's still out in the open. One nice reviewer also pointed out to me that Jenny Sheppard wasn't Director of NCIS yet when ep 20x10 played so I corrected that mistake in the second chapter and I have yet to correct it in the 1st one.lol. Thanks anyways for telling me :-)

feedback: is always welcome and I'll do my best to reply to each and everyone. That's the least i can do if you took the time to read _and_ review my little story :-)

**Gambling**

My perfect word went to hell the moment Anthony DiNozzo stepped into my life. Well, that sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it? Ok let's try that again.

My perfect world changed completely the moment Anthony DiNozzo stepped into my life.

There you go. Better already. And even more true. He brought some changes in me that nobody else could have brought on. But with his smiles and charming attitude he worked his way into my team, my life and in a way also into my heart. He is a trained investigator, a good one and, never letting work slip, he still manages to do it with a smile on a face that cheers us all up when we need it.

I'm no fool and I know that our sometimes gruesome work would be a lot harder to digest without Tony around to lighten the mood by cracking his usual jokes.

Maybe I should have told him exactly that a few times more than smacking him upside the head. And maybe I shouldn't have just taken my chance when he showed up at my doorstep after his rescue. And maybe I shouldn't have fucked him through the mattress and then left him to his own devices.

I could say that the second B's for bastard for a reason but that would be too easy now, wouldn't it? Of course, meaningful things never are easy. I learned that the hard way.

Because right now I'm sitting at my desk in the bullpen with Tony's resignation on my screen and I haven't moved since I opened the fateful email.

I'd like to think that this doesn't hurt as much as it does. But hell, it does. I have read his email twice now and the only thing I have registered is that Tony's leaving. And that it's my fault.

Well isn't that just _fabulous_. After years there happens to be a good thing in my life and I throw it away and destroy it.

Again, I'm no fool. Tony's message tells me everything I need to know. He can't keep working under theses conditions, the conditions being "with me" of course.

I don't really know how I kept it together up to now but I'm glad I did because The Director chooses that moment to call me up into his office. Well, no need for second guesses as to what he wants to talk about.

I'm quite sure that Tony has emailed Morrow his form too to make it official immediately. I steel myself internally for what is to come and make my way upstairs.

The secretary tells me to go right through. Funny, really. As if she didn't know I would have done exactly that also _without_ her permission. What can I say, the woman knows me.

One look at Tom is enough to tell me that yes, he got the email too and no, he's not pleased about it. I still know him like I would know my brother. We've known eachother for more than a decade and that's what makes us not only boss and employe but also friends.

"Sit down Jethro and tell me what is going on with your team." the clean order is delivered without hesitation and his voice is hard.

"If you mean Tony by "my team" then I can't tell you anything more than what was written in your email. I just got it myself." _nice lie Jethro_, I tell myself. But I would be damned if I told him the real reason.

"If you really want me to believe you, you have to work on being sincere Special Agent Gibbs." Ok busted. Tom Morrow definitely not a happy camper right now and it's best to make amends now. I plan on bringing Tony back so I want to stay on his good side.

"Look Director… Tom. Tony's on my team, he's my responsibility. His reasons are personal but I think he was more thrown by his last assignment than anybody would have guessed. And combined with the one involving Atlas's rescue my take is that it got too much. Sure they were weeks' apart but being up close and personal with death is never taken lightly."

_W__ell Jethro, you still have it_. I can see in his eyes that she bought it. There sure is a reason for all my rules and "Always be specific when you lie" just paid itself again.

"Ok Jethro, be like that if you want. However I want you to clear this up. I want DiNozzo back. He's good for the team. And he's good for you."

If I almost did a double take it sure as hell didn't show but Tom's eyes still have that twinkle that appeared with her last sentence and I don't like it one bit.

"Jethro don't look at me like that. You didn't see yourself change since he's part of your team...your life. You lost part of you bitterness and it's a good look on you."

He smiles and to say that I'm surprised would be the understatement of the century. I knew that homosexuality and relashionships between coworkers were still frowned upon. However Tom's words gave me reassurance because it was a not so sublte hint that he would have my and Tony's back it things would become tough.

"Go Jethro and bring him back. If anybody can do it, you can." and with that last sentence I'm dismissed. I slowly descend to the bullpen again, power down my computer and grab my stuff. The elevator is empty and in a flash I have to think back to all those times I was in here with one of my team members, using the car as a impromptu conference room to chastise them.

Too often Tony was my victim and I realize that now. Riding him hard may have been the right way to form a very good Special Agent but it did nothing for Tony's self-esteem. Even without a degree in psychology I can see that now. And I can only hope that it's not too late.

The drive to Tony's place takes a while but only because I chose a less nerve wrecking speed this time. It's quite unusual for me to hesitate but I must have realized at one point that this was really it. Either it went well or it went to hell. It was my last chance and I didn't want to screw up. Not with him.

When I reached his apartment only a small light was switched on and visible from outside. I knocked a few times and when nobody answered the door, I took out Tony's key and let myself in.

The apartment was neat and tidy. I went down the hall and into the living room. Tony was sitting on his couch, feet propped up on the table and drawing. "You know there was a reason I didn't answer or open the door." was all he said while continuing his work.

"I guessed as much but we need to talk." _way to go _was my only thought when I saw his shoulders tense up and recognized that forcefulness was the wrong way to go about this.

"I… Tony can we talk? Please?" that sounded better already and I think Tony noticed the change too. He put his sketch book aside and looked at me. I will never forget that moment because his eyes didn't hold fury or anger or insecurity. No. His eyes were empty and I knew I was the reason.

"I'm sorry Tony." I was unable to keep the apology in and I knew immediately that it was the right thing to do. My ex senior field agent relaxed against the couch and his eyes took a warmer look. He pointed out the recliner across the table and I took a seat.

The silence was uncomfortable to say the least but I hadn't counted on this being easy so I wasn't surprised.

"What are you sorry for Gibbs?" _Gibbs, not Boss_ I winced internally but didn't let it show. I only had this chance and I wasn't about to let it slip.

"There are a few things that come to mind." I whisper with a deep sigh and Tony seems to pick up on the change of mood too. He sits straighter, without loosing his relaxed posture though, and looks at me expectantly.

"I'm not stopping you Gibbs. Say what you gotta say. I'm not going anywhere right now."

Considering that Tony most likely planned on leaving DC in the next two weeks that wasn't really all that reassuring but I didn't come here only for myself but mainly for Tony. I had to do this right for Christ's sake.

"I'm sorry for treating you like a rookie at work." I started. "I know what you are capable of and I knew that you were aware of it too. And there was the problem. Or so I thought at least. I knew you were set in your ways and that you were good at what you did. But I wanted you to become the best. I could still see so much potential only waiting to be tapped and that's what I did. However I'm sorry for the way I preceded. I was downright mean and nasty. 50 percent of the head slaps weren't warranted, maybe even more. I can't undo all that but I really and truly am sorry, Tony."

Wow… I think I never spoke this much in a _week_. Well if this is what it takes then so be it. I knew my way with words wasn't always the best however this wasn't about me but about Tony and I wanted him to stay. Very much so.

"Thanks Gibbs. You have no idea how much that means to me." and trouble was that he was right. I didn't know how much he needed my approval until now. Until it was too late.

"There is more Tony." I start and this is going to be uncomfortable. My ex-senior field agent notices too and tips his head lightly to show that he's listening,

"I… The night we… When you showed up at my doorstep. I want to apologize for that night too." It was out in the open now but I still had to clarify some things. This was not the time for lies; I had to tell him the truth.

"When I heard knocking on my door I knew it would be you and that you needed company. But what I did was unacceptable. I wanted to sleep with you, but not under those circumstances. When I had you underneath me I couldn't think straight anymore. I don't regret sleeping with you but using your emotional turmoil."

Looking at the floor all of a sudden seamed like a good idea. I had blushed. I was afraid to look into Tony's eyes and of what I would be able to see. I felt so low after that night. Still did as a matter of fact

"Is that why you couldn't acknowledge me after we did it? Why you couldn't look at me and tell me what you thought and how you felt?" Tony's voice was astonishingly calm and that frightened me even more. I wanted an angry Tony. With anger I could deal, but not with silence and resignation.

"Yeah. I know now that it must have seemed like rejection to you. I was embarrassed and ashamed to think that all the faith you put into me up to that point was undeserved and that I could read that in your eyes."

"Gibbs, why exactly are you telling me all this?" I knew Tony had a vague idea what this was all about but I didn't mind telling him everything. I had to lay my cards on the table or I knew I couldn't look at myself anymore.

"I came here to talk to you tonight because I got your mail. If I have to I will accept your resignation. You can't work for me anymore? Then I have to accept that too and I will. But I also want you to know that I don't want you to go, that I want you to stay in my life." Being honest has never been more difficult in my life but it was definitely worth the look on Tony's face.

It was a mix between amazement, joy and doubt but it was more than I had hoped for.

"Are you telling me that you like me?" he asked incredulously and I couldn't keep down my smile.

"Yeah Tony I think I just did. It's been a long time since I was happy, really and truly happy."

"And you are sure that I can bring you happiness?" he asked and I could hear and feel the insecurity in his voice. I also knew that it would take time to prove myself to him but I was looking forward to that. Strange, isn't it?

"If anyone can, it's you Tony." I say with utmost sincerity and the smile I get in return is breath taking. I knew now that I had made the right choice by putting my heart on the line. I gambled but sometimes the risk is worth it.

And with Tony it was more than worth it.

TBC maybe

feedback appreciated again )

looking forward to your reviews and opinions


	3. 3rd Part

Disclaimer: nothing belongs to me; I just have fun with my boys ;-)

Warnings: slash but nothing graphic yet, angst, drama, romance

Story: this is the third chapter of my little story. It was supposed to be a one-shot and stay that way but I had to keep writing and I loved your feedback :-) The chapter's names are mixed up but still, the order is the right one, no worries there ;-)

Author's notes: this chapter is really a small one and it literally wrote itself. I just had to hang on for the ride so to speak.lol. I would really like some feedback as to whether you like it or not so much, so I can improve. This is my first real fic so that means a lot. Thanks guys )

ksl also pointed out that my timeline was a bit off/not exactly clear. so here's the deal

chapter1: 1x19 + 1x20 and then jump to 2x10

chapter2: after 2x10 ( but same day)

chapter3: continues where chp2 left of -> still the same day after Tony got home

**Melting**

Tony was tempted to think that this had to be a dream. No way had his boss really shown up at his apartment to apologize and, god forbid, confess his feeling. He pinched himself just to make sure but he didn't wake up. This wasn't one of his fantasies. It was real. And it was scary.

Gibbs was still sitting across the table and watching him intently. He shouldn't be as nervous as he was but he couldn't help it. With his track record when it came to flings and one night stands he should be relaxed and laid back, but he wasn't.

This was just beyond anything he had ever felt for a person and it scared the shit out of him. His experience was limited to having a quick roll in the hay, maybe a few more with no strings attached and then getting rid of whatever guy or girl and looking for the next one. He never had wanted commitment and he was fine with it.

That he could actually picture himself with Gibbs and being in it for the long haul seemed crazy. But on the other hand it made sense. He trusted Gibbs unconditionally. The ex-marine always had his six and never let him down. When he was locked up with Atlas his only hope was Gibbs and his persistence to find them. He knew his boss wouldn't let him down. And he didn't.

He had seen many sides of Gibbs during the last years and he found that he liked each and every one of them. They were what made the other man so unique. Tony had even perfected his interpretation of Gibbs-speak (the grunts that is) and could immediately recognize his supervisors mood. He had seen Gibbs's interaction with kids and it made his heart melt in an embarrassingly sappy, fluffy way. He would deny that of course. Under torture too.

So now being co close to what he had wished for months he was anxious and… frightened. He was always the one in charge. And there was no chance that Gibbs would give up control in any way.

He just had to go with the flow. And hopefully he wouldn't drown.

Gibbs had of course picked up on Tony's change. His posture was a touch tenser and he seemed intent on keeping some distance.

"Tony, are you ok?" he asked softly but still the younger man looked at him like a dear caught in headlights. As there was no other verbal reply he sighed softly and moved to get up.

"I think it's best for me to leave you alone now. It was a lot to take in tonight. I'm sorry for keeping you up."

"No!" Tony shot up in a quick movement and after Gibbs had turned back to face him he stilled his movement and felt foolish immediately.

God, he had what he wanted right in front of him! He wanted this man, he desired him and longed to see him in his life. Permanently! Why couldn't he just say so?! He as paralyzed and didn't know what to say or do to salvage the situation.

"It's ok Tony, really. I'll just let you catch up on some sleep. You had a tough undercover op and need the rest. If you want, we can continue this some other time." Gibbs soft smile was enough to reassure Tony that he hadn't screwed up. The ex-marine accepted his hesitation and left him the space he needed instead of pressuring and crowding him.

The reward for his patience was visible immediately. Seeing Tony's glowing smile it took Gibbs all he had to not lean forward and taste the smile. He didn't want to rush anything so he just softly cupped Tony's cheek and wished him a good night. He was almost out of the door when Tony called him back.

"Gibbs? I..um.. if you're not busy on the weekend… d'you think… maybe… would you like to go out and have dinner with me?"

There, it was out. He hated feeling like a stuttering teenager all over again. On top of that he was sure he had blushed. In his opinion this whole situation took "embarrassing" to a whole new level. And all just because of one man. Because of Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Apparently the latter didn't seem to mind his stumbling across words because he stepped up to him with a tender expression on his face. "I'd really like to have dinner with you, this weekend, Tony." He leaned in and Tony closed his eyes in anticipation. He almost melted however when he felt the soft kiss on his forehead. The gesture was so gentle, so intimate that it took him a moment to open his eyes.

When he finally did Gibbs just smiled at him and let himself out.

**TBC**

I hope you liked it :-)

R&R please .


	4. 4th Part

Disclaimer: nothing's mine... why is that not surprising? lol

warning: angst, slash, OOC maybe, drama, romance

athor's note: this is the forth chapter of my "baby". It wasn't as easy to write as the 3rd one but still I think it's ok. If not, don't hesitate and tell me what bothered you )

reviewer's replies:

foxyladyhubbards: thx for your reviews. I know exactly what you mean ("poor tony, mean gibbs) but I try to not let Gibbs hurt his boy too much. There will be some hurt/comfort if i can arrange it so I hope that's ok for you. I also firmly believe that Gibbs can have a soft side. He's lovely with kids as we all saw so why can't he be gentle and caring with the person he adores?

super-em: I'm glad you liked it. I was all "aaaw" after writng it blush. It was fluffy and cute but not overly so (I hope lol). Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the review. Btw, I read some of you fics and they are just awesome. Keep up the good work )

**Don't ask, Don't tell!**

After Gibbs had left, Tony knew what he had to do. He just couldn't leave and loose his one chance with Gibbs. If the other man hadn't been as open with him as he had, no one had to guess where he would have ended up a few weeks from now. Far away, that's what.

He picked up his cell and called the Director. He knew it was late already but he also knew that Tom Morrow only left his office when he was sure that everything he had to do was finished. He didn't have to wait long for his supervisor's boss to pick up the phone.

He apologized for the email and was granted the private meeting he asked for. "Maybe I still got a chance then." he mumbled to himself. Not exactly satisfied with the outcome but with a better perspective than a few hours ago he poured himself some scotch before moving to the bedroom.

When he hit the sheets he was exhausted but fell asleep with a soft smile on his face.

The next morning came sooner than he wanted. It was like any other Thursday. Late in the week but not yet weekend. Thursdays just sucked.

He had slept without interruption which was unusual for him but after his undercover assignment with Jeffrey White as target his batteries were running dangerously low. He got up sluggishly, somehow found his way to the bathroom and when the water hit his back he let out a heartfelt sigh. The pressure was to die for and he stayed in as long as his water heater let him.

He had to force himself out and his muscles protested immediately. He hadn't felt the ache before but he sure as hell did now. He had been checked up by Ducky who had cleared him to go home but he still had massive bruises littered all over his body. That's what falling over and rolling down a not so short hill would do to you. Only now after a good nights' sleep they started to bother him.

"Well, no use in complaining. You're a big boy now. Suck it up."

Taking his personal little pep talk to heart he shaved, brushed his teeth and styled his hair. He felt a bit chilly after leaving the warm bathroom but quickly got into some clothes. He knew black always made him look very attractive but the black suit combined with the black turtleneck underneath looked nothing short of hot on him. But it also had its practical uses.

Wearing a suit always made him keep a straight posture and kept him from slouching ever so slightly. It was innate maybe. So today he would seem a little stiff but that was ok. Nobody would be the wiser as to his bruises and difficulty to move much and quickly without pain. At least he hoped so.

And the turtleneck last but not least was also nice to hide the cut Jeffrey White's knife had left. It was only a small one but it still had needed medical attention. As small as it was, it hadn't stopped bleeding after several hours so his boss had sent him down to Ducky after having arrived back at his desk in the bullpen. The young killer had certainly known how to damage with minimal effort and he didn't want to imagine what he would look like now, if his reflexes hadn't been up to par. Or whether he would still be alive.

Putting a stopper on his dark thoughts he put on his watch and grabbed his holster, gun and badge. The ride to NCIS HQ was a short one and he still had some time left to grab a cup of coffee.

And coincidently (yeah, right!) he walked to the same coffee shop Gibbs preferred. He sighed at his subconscious choice and ordered his coffee and the sludge Gibbs usually drank in abundance.

"Might as well, since I'm already here."

He made his way back to the Navy Yard and was surprised that the elevator came down immediately. So Gibbs wasn't in his favourite conference room for once. This just _had_ to be a good sign. Or maybe he just wanted it to be one to calm his nerves.

Being early he didn't meet many people on the way to his desk. He walked straight up to it without looking into Gibbs's direction. He felt uncomfortable and didn't exactly know how to act.

He put down his coffee and, pulling himself together, turned around to face Gibbs's desk. However it was empty. Sighing from relief and disappointment at the same time he leaned back against his desk

"Hey DiNozzo. You're early." Gibbs again had appeared somewhat out of thin air behind him and made Tony jump. When the latter turned around to face his boss however he only saw a slight smile and not the usual hard expression.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." He joked and left out a "boss" or "Gibbs" on purpose. He knew that Gibbs wasn't aware of him asking to stay at NCIS. He had made the director promise and he assumed that the man had stayed true to his word.

This time he let actions speak rather than words and handed Gibbs the coffee he had bought for him. The surprised (civilian equivalent: stunned) expression he got in return was enough to make him smile and forget part of his nervousness. As he was about to say something he heard the Director call his name. He looked apologetically at Gibbs and stepped past him to head to his private meeting with the "Big Boss".

The way to the office felt like the walk to Canossa but ten times worse. He berated himself for being as foolish as to think that he really wanted to leave all this behind for good.

"Please take a seat Mr. DiNozzo and make yourself comfortable. You're early and I don't have any pressing matters to attend to immediately. As I understand it you wanted to talk to me urgently. Am I right to assume that this is in relation to the mail you sent me yesterday with your official resignation?"

Special Agent DiNozzo took a steadying breath and nodded. "Yes, Director, indeed it is. I wanted to apologize for all the inconvenience. I fear that I made the wrong decision and I regret it deeply. I know that I made an official resignation instead of talking to you beforehand and for than I want to apologize. If I could reverse my course of action I would and I'm sorry that I can't."

Keeping a neutral facial expression Morrow studied the man. He seemed sincere in what he said but he had to make sure.

"I take it your change in opinion has something to do with Agent Gibbs's visit last night. Am I right?" that he had hit home was obvious by the sudden tension in his Agents posture and in the pallor that spread over his face.

"Yes, you are, Director. Agent Gibbs came by my apartment and talked some sense into me. So to speak."

Nodding in agreement Morrow stood up and moved to pour them out scotch in a tumbler. He handed one to Tony and kept the other one in his hand. He was facing the window when he asked his last but also most important question. "How much do you want to stay?"

Tony had to clear his throat before answering. He knew that this was it. That the director's decision depended on this answer.

"Sir, I know I damaged the trust you put in me by resigning yesterday without as much as a warning before. I can only tell you that my reasons were personal and seemed to justify my course of action. Agent Gibbs set me right, yes. However I also know that I could never leave DC and NCIS easily. This job is the best thing that could have happened to me. I am honoured to have worked for you and for our country this long. I would love to continue to do so and if I have to prove myself before being suitable for fieldwork again I will accept that too. I don't want to leave NCIS even though I gave a different impression yesterday, sir."

Tony didn't know if he had convinced the Director of his sincerity but he had said as much as he could without laying bare his and Gibbs feelings. After all this was NCIS, an organisation as close to military as it can get without actually being military. He knew all about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell!" and he wasn't about to jeopardize Gibbs future at NCIS. If this explanation wasn't enough he would have to live with it. At least then he had prevented Gibbs's official outing.

"I appreciate your doing Agent DiNozzo."

Tony questioningly raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't quite follow."

"Then let me phrase it differently. I appreciate you trying to protect Agent Gibbs's reputation and career. I too know all about "Don't ask, don't tell!" therefore I won't ask but I want you to be very careful Agent DiNozzo. There is only so much I can do as Director of NCIS!"

Morrow was now facing Tony and suddenly it became all clear. Tom Morrow was giving him a second chance. Not only was he accepting his apology and declaring his resignation nil, no, also did he approve of whatever was going on between two of his male agents. Supervisor and subordinate at that.

"Thank you, Director. I will do my very best. I won't take this lightly. There's too much at stake." that was all that needed to be said. Both men knew that this wasn't only about the job but about a lot more.

A firm handshake later Tony was on his way back into the bullpen. He felt relieved and his step was lighter than this morning when he came in. Even his bruised and battered body didn't keep him from striding along forcefully and with newfound energy.

**TBC**

did you like it? I spent quite some time to make it authentic but don't know whether it worked. Feel free to tell me anytime ;-)

reviews are always appreciated of course .


	5. 5th Part

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything or anybody. No making money, just having fun writing fanfiction

Warnings: angst, drama, romance, hurt/comfort, slash, an OOC maybe

Author's note: Chapter names are still mixed up and I'm sorry for that. I would love to fix it but since I don't know how, that's quite impossible. If anybody of you guys would point it out to me that would be awesome :)

**Connecting**

When he arrived at his desk again, he and Gibbs were still the only one's present from their team. Nothing unusual since it was only 07:15. Kate and McGee were never late but neither were they in half an hour before work officially started.

Tony was actually glad the he and his again-boss were alone. He knew that Gibbs would want to know what he and the Director had discussed and he wouldn't leave the young man alone until he got his answer. Persistence and all that, you know the drill.

Sitting down at his desk he took a deep breath. He was relieved beyond measure to be able to stay. _Talk about mood swings_ he thought sarcastically. _Yesterday you wanted to leave and today leaving would be the apocalypse._ It was true though. All had changed with Gibbs. As most things always did change with Gibbs. The man's influence on his life had always been strong but now it became obvious just _how much_ Gibbs could influence him. And strangely he found he didn't mind one bit.

"You ok, DiNozzo?" the young man turned around startled. He had been lost deep in thought and hadn't even realized that Gibbs had stepped up behind him. "Yeah I'm good." He could feel his boss's body heat radiating and unconsciously tried to lean into it. He caught himself in time but still flushed with embarrassment. Good God, what was he _doing_?! He wasn't some needy pretty boy who wanted to be cuddled 24/7. He never had been.

"Hey, it's ok." Hands on his shoulders pulled slightly and made him relax against the strong body behind him. He knew exactly why Gibbs had chosen this position to comfort him. Everything else would have seemed suspicious to security in the building. However what they would be seeing now was a NCIS agent standing behind his employee going over some stuff or just talking. Nothing more, nothing less.

Still embarrassed but also grateful for the shared moment he let his head fall against Gibbs and relaxed. He knew he had to say something about his meeting. He just wanted to savour this. The body heat, the strong hands on his shoulders, slightly kneading the tension away.

Tony suddenly started talking before he knew what he was doing.

"I called Morrow yesterday after you had left. I asked him for a private meeting and he granted me one. That was why he called me into his office before. We talked a bit. I apologized for behaving like an insolent teenager. Well, maybe not in those exact words." He added almost sheepishly. After a reassuring squeeze from his boss he continued.

"I tried to explain why I wanted to leave without giving away too much. And also why I now wanted to stay. He linked it to you and your visit. Did he know you were coming to my home last night? How so?"

Tony tried adjusting his neck so that he could look at Gibbs but before he could really move Gibbs had moved from behind him to in front of him and sat down on his desk. His posture was relaxed instead of defensive and his arms weren't linked in front of his chest but placed left and right of his thighs.

"I was working late when I got your mail yesterday. I read it and saw that you had sent it The Director too. It was only a matter of time until he called me into his office. He practically forced me to visit you and bring you to change your mind."

That this was too much information and put into the wrong words on top of it, was clear as day light when Tony's face fell and he lowered his eyes to look at the floor.

"So you didn't really want to talk to me. You just had no choice." It wasn't as much a question as a statement but the hurt Tony obviously felt was dripping from each words, every uttered letter.

"God Tony, no. It wasn't like that. Not at all." He had no idea how to make this right again. Yesterday he had had time to form an apology beforehand but this? He had almost lost this man once already, and didn't want to lose him again… and maybe for good.

"Orders from the "Big Boss". I understand, really. It's ok." but it wasn't, not really. That much was obvious from the empty voice that was normally filled with life.

"Please Tony. Look at me. Listen to me. It wasn't like that. I need you to believe me that there was more to my showing up than that. Yeah I was but this all came out wrong. I would have shown up at your place either way. With or without orders. I didn't want you to go. I still don't want you to."

The last sentence was only a whisper. Tony couldn't help but look up at his boss and see the truth in his eyes. He hated feeling so… so helpless and insecure when it came to this man. It was just _ridiculous_. He could have anyone he wanted. Without so much as breaking a sweat. But this man? For once HE wanted somebody…him and he felt as shy as he had felt when he first asked a guy out for a date.

"I meant everything I said yesterday. Every single word. Really!" Tony slowly closed his eyes and admitted defeat. He _wanted_ to believe Gibbs. He _wanted_ the other man to have said the truth. He just wanted him. Full stop.

"Tony? Conference room." Startled he opened his eyes and wanted to read his boss's eyes but couldn't find anything but warmth. He slowly got up and followed his boss to the elevator. The doors opened almost immediately. It was funny, really. Maybe it knew that Gibbs wanted to use it _again _as his very special impromptu emergency conference room.

As soon as the car moved, Gibbs switched the stop button and the emergency light gave the small space an eerie glow. They didn't say a word. They just looked at each other. Gibbs slowly stepped up to him and soon he had invaded Tony's personal space.

"Come here." He whispered softly as he opened his arms for Tony. The younger man hesitated only a split second and then wrapped himself around Gibbs. He clung to him with all he had, intent on never letting go. He knew his thoughts were foolish but he couldn't help it.

Wrapping his arms around the body that clung to him, Gibbs couldn't help but sigh softly and smile at the closeness they shared. He knew this wouldn't and couldn't go any further right now. He was sure that Tony also wanted them to wait until making a step into that direction again. This was about comfort, reassurance even and the warmth that encompassed him made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

_Nice, Jethro. You're turning into a sap. _He berated himself but he couldn't bring himself to mind this new development. It had been a long long time since he had felt this connected with somebody without having slept with them. It was new, exciting and calming at the same time.

When they let go of each other both felt better and smiled lightly. They were ready to face a new day at NCIS.

TBC

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	6. 6th Part

disclaimer: nothing's mine

warnings: mentioning of kink... nth hardcore though

author's notes: i hope you like this chapter. The case will be finished in the next 2/3 chapters so please bear with me :-)

super-em: another elevator scene in this one.lol. wasn't intentional though, it just wrote itself.. sorta hehe . hope you like the new chapter :-)

schlubbs: thx for the feedback. I hope you like this chapter just as much as the last ones :-) tell me what you think about this one )

**Chilled**

They didn't have to wait long for their next case. A phone call answered in Gibbs's usual manner "Yeah, Gibbs" had led them to Quantico. A 23-year-old marine had been found dead in his house after an anonymous call had reported an emergency.

The drive was as short as always with Gibbs behind the wheel. Tony and Kate were already used to the reckless manoeuvres Gibbs could pull and weren't phased in the slightest. Only McGee looked a little green around the nose.

"You alright there, Probie?" How Tony even managed to sound concerned when in truth he was grinning and slightly mocking their probationary Agent no one would ever know. Kate only shrugged her head. This day would be just like any other day on Gibbs's team. Or at least the probability was very high.

"DiNozzo, you're with me. McGee, perimeter and Kate? Statements plus possible witnesses."

"Got it Boss."

Upon entering the house Tony immediately noticed the tasteful decoration. He could see himself living in a place like this. The house was nice and airy, no dark wooden furniture but modern and still comfortable.

The body was easily found. It was tied spread eagled to the bed.

"Tony, sketch and take as many pictures as you can. I'll have a look through his personal affects."

"On it, Boss. D'you think… that he as abused?" even without looking, Gibbs could see the wince on his subordinates face. He knew that Tony had a lively imagination and that it often supplied him with unwanted images as to exactly how much a victim had suffered before dying. Gibbs liked Tony's ability to be compassionate but he didn't like this particular trait that came with it.

And what he liked even less was the fact that he couldn't give Tony the answer he wanted to hear. "Maybe. We'll have to wait until Ducky gets here. No use in speculating."

To anybody else the words would have seamed cold and uncaring but Tony knew better. It was reassuring if not uncanny that the older man knew him so well. In not so many words he had told DiNozzo to let his imagination rest until there was proof of any abuse whatsoever.

With a slight smile that disappeared just as quickly as it had come, Tony got back to work. Gibbs would have liked to reassure his Agent but for the life of him, he couldn't. He knew from experience that sexual assault could never be completely ruled out without autopsy and running a rape kit. On top of that he had a very bad feeling about this crime scene and sincerely hoped it would stay only a feeling.

Taking pictures and putting the final touches on his sketch, Tony didn't pay further attention to his Boss who went through the wardrobe and nightstand. He did however look up when he heard Gibbs bagging and tagging. Since it was curiosity that killed the cat he turned around and stopped startled.

What he could make out in the evidence bags were different kinds of sex toys. There was a variety of dildos, cuffs, a blindfold, and the like. He even recognized a whip and a paddle.

"Maybe not rape. Rough sex-play comes to mind."

All DiNozzo could do was shrug his shoulders. Sure, he had heard about stuff like this. He had thought about it too but never had he imagined stumbling over this particular kind of kink in one of their cases.

Gibbs didn't wait for a reply but went back to bagging and tagging what was left. He had almost finished when their ME arrived. Ducky immediately processed the scene and set to work.

"Do we have a name for our body, Jethro?"

"ID tells us this is Petty Officer Robert Sanderson."

"Well, well young boy. Let's free you from you uncomfortable position, shall we? Have you finished Anthony?

Tony didn't exactly like being called by his full name but indulged the older man. "Of course, Ducky. You can go right ahead."

"That I will do. Mr. Palmer, would you mind giving me a hand?" the ME pointed to the other side of the bed and together they started undoing the ties.

"Oh my." was Ducky's only comment when he turned the body onto his side to have a look at his back. Gibbs was standing next to the crouching ME. His face was a thundercloud.

"What is it, Boss?" Tony asked but got no reply. He joined his boss on the other side of the bed and one look at Sanderson's backside was enough. There was no need for further explanations. Welts and bruises covered the flesh. Skin was torn at several places and the dried blood made the sight even more gruesome.

"Rough sex-play AND rape." DiNozzo didn't have to ask how his boss had come to that conclusion. The dried blood around the anus and the torn flesh didn't leave much to the imagination.

"I'm afraid, it does look like it. I will of course run the necessary tests to eliminate any possible doubt but I fear that our young petty officer was in acute and great pain before he died."

"Cause of death?" Gibbs voice was pure steel. He had had a bad feeling but seeing his suspicion confirmed didn't bring any satisfaction. Not in this particular case were a young marine had been beaten, raped and killed.

Tony had seen many reactions to a dead body from his boss but this was slightly unsettling. It wasn't as much as the reaction as the feeling he could read in Gibbs eyes that did it. His Boss seamed angry. Only years after having worked with Gibbs made it possible to read the emotion but it was there nonetheless.

"I'm sorry Jethro but I can't tell you. At least not with absolute certainty. The abuse wasn't cause of death. Also there is no obvious blunt or sharp force trauma as far as I can see. Maybe he was suffocated but I can definitely give you a cause of death after autopsy. As always, I might add." Ducky added with a wistful smile. Gibbs was known for his impatience but having noticed his college's and friend's mood he had let himself speculate aloud. He didn't want to upset Jethro anymore since, even behind the mask, it was obvious to those who cared that he already was.

"Time of death?"

"Well, considering liver temp and ambient temperature he died between 20h and 21h."

"Thanks Duck. You finished DiNozzo?" the chilled voice did wonders cutting through Tony's jumbled thoughts.

"Yeah. On your six, boss." He smiled to lighten the mood however without success if Gibbs's grim expression was anything to go by. Tony's shoulders slumped slightly. He knew his boss had something on his mind and that his attitude didn't have anything to do with him.

However that _didn't_ mean that it didn't hurt slightly. It was obvious that their feelings couldn't allow any change in their efficient work as NCIS Special Agents but he had hoped he could draw his boss at least a little out of his mood.

_"Great. He's going to ride all our asses. Hard."_ he thought defeated. Well he couldn't just ask as to what had crawled up Gibbs's ass and died. But that didn't mean he had to _like_ it. He would wait for more hints an see what they would tell him. That was all he could he do. For now.

Kate and McGee waited for them near the car and discussed what they had found.

"Kate?"

"Neighbours didn't see or hear a thing, Gibbs. They said Sanderson was a nice guy, kept a lot to himself even though he was popular and had lots of friends over. The woman living next to him liked him especially. He sometimes helped her carry her bags when she went grocery shopping. The Lady's 70 years old."

One court nod was all Kate got as answer. Not a surprise in itself but she recognized the unusual tension in her boss's body immediately. She wondered what had caused it. _"Maybe caffeine withdrawal." _She joked and laughed.

"Is there something you want to share with us Special Agent Caitlin Todd?"

It took her less that a second to sober completely. "I'm sorry; it was nothing Special Agent Gibbs." He reply was as cold as his answer. "See that you stay focused. Wouldn't want you to become a second DiNozzo."

What was normally a running gag on his team seamed so much more cutting without the smile and open eyes. Today there was no smile and Gibbs's eyes were cold and shuttered.

Tony's eyes bore hurt. He knew that he shouldn't take it personal but his own feelings were still in turmoil about all that had happened in the last 24 hours. He _didn't_ need his boss's snide remarks when he had no clue as to whether they were jokes or meant seriously.

"McGee. Tell me what you got."

"Uuhm… I didn't find much. Nothing actually. Only a piece of paper. I think it could help us. It looks like it has been torn out of an agenda."

He handed the evidence bag over so Gibbs could see for himself what his probationary agent had found.

"W047 and K295. The date's yesterday. Any idea what this could mean?"

"No, nothing comes to mind immediately. I'll process it at HQ. May be Abby has an idea how to decrypt this."

"Ok let's head home. Ducky takes care of the body."

The ride back was just as short if not a little shorter. Maybe it was just Tony's imagination but the tension in the car was almost palpable and it made him uncomfortable. Gibbs tense shoulders only confirmed his suspicions: Something bothered his boss! Big time!

Arriving at the Navy Yard he immediately went to work on Sanderson's military records. After years as Gibbs senior field agent he sure as hell had learned to anticipate.

"DiNozzo, m-"

"Military records. On it boss.!" Came the sharp answer

"Kate, Financial records and the like. You find something hinky? You tell me ASAP."

"McGee, grab a Caf!Pow, go down to Abby and you better find a way to decrypt these entries. I want a lead and I want it fast! While you're at it take a look at the other evidence. There has to be the agenda where the page was torn out from."

"Yeah boss!"

Working military records wasn't the most exciting thing on the planet. Tony knew that already from ample experience and Sanderson's file was exemplary. No misbehaviour, always in line, no disobedience, great physical form. He was basically the poster boy for the Marine Corps. Only was he dead now.

His musings were interrupted by Gibbs phone. He watched him listen, bark a short reply and throw the receiver down.

"DiNozzo!Autopsy!Now!" the subordinate knew better than to let his boss wait. He left everything were it was and went to follow Gibbs. He never tolerated tardiness and with _this_ mood? Nope, he wouldn't push his luck. As soon as the elevator doors closed Tony pushed the emergency switch.

Maybe he didn't want to push my luck but he definitely had a death wish one would think. Tony just knew that he had to do something. There was no way that anything Ducky had to say would lighten his Boss's mood. He knew with certainty that anything the ME was going to say would worsen his lover's mood.

"DiNozzo, what the h-"

"One minute boss. Nothing more, nothing less. Just let me do this."

Tentatively he put my hands on Gibbs's shoulders as he stood behind him. Tony could feel the tension radiating off him in waves. Taking time he gently caressed his shoulder blades and massaged them ever so slightly. He didn't knead out any knots even though he could feel plenty. This was about relaxing his Boss. Maybe it was ironic but somehow it fit. The first time he would touch Gibbs and it wasn't meant to arouse but to soothe.

Gradually he let his shoulders drop and his head fell forward. It was then that Tony knew, taking the initiative had been the right choice. Sure this was about relaxing but not only. This was also about showing his support and they both knew it.

Tony could also be a shoulder to lean on and the moment Gibbs had relaxed to give him free reign showed that he had realized it too.

TBC

So? what do u think:-)

I'm curious lol


	7. 7th Part

**Author's notes**:

1.This is not really my favourite chapter. Writing and developing interesting cases is not my forte but please bear with me. If you have nay suggestions I'm open for advice and ideas ) I just need my plot to work out.lol

2.I hope nobody is too uncomfortable with kink of this kind to stop reading my story. If it is beyond your comfort zone, please tell me. What I'm going to develop will be very mild and nothing hardcore whatsoever :-) Thanks

SparklingCatseye: sry for the long wait. I did what I could do but RL life was a bitch this week. Hope you like it )

super-em: welcome.lol. hope you don't mind the (slight) kink )

**Curiosity killed the cat**

Tony could tell that something had changed between him and Gibbs that very moment. Maybe it wasn't earth shattering but it was important to the young man. He needed Gibbs, yeah but the older man needed Tony too and God did he love that feeling. Again his thoughts were interrupted when the elevator doors opened and Gibbs entered autopsy through the sliding doors. Tony was, as usual, one step behind him. Always on his six.

"Jethro, young Anthony. You certainly didn't waste any time coming down to see me."

"You called Ducky. What can you tell me?"

"Of course. Well I'm very sorry to say that our initial assumption have been confirmed. Young Petty Officer (PO for future reference lol) Robert Sanderson was indeed raped. That's not all though," he continued before Gibbs could interrupt him. "You two saw the bruising on his back and the welts but I also found bruising that went back at least a week and a half. There were also scars that, and I'm not a hundred percent sure but it's a very high probability, result from a whip."

"You are saying?" Gibbs expression was unreadable but Tony could practically see the turning wheels behind the forehead.

"Well Jethro it looks like the marks on his back result from very rough sex play. My personal guess would be Sado-masochism. I assume that it was consensual since the scars are from different dates and they were tended to, not left to heal on their own."

"Ducky, he was _raped_." Tony felt compelled to point out. He had a hard time wrapping his mind around all this being consensual. He could imagine all the pain that had been inflicted and as open minded as he was, this was way beyond his comfort zone.

"I know Anthony. All I can give you are the facts. How it is all tied together is your job to find out. However I'm _still not finished Jethro_!" he spoke up as Gibbs moved to leave. Not at all phazed by his behaviour which seamed a bit more extreme than usual he continued.

"Come a little closer gentlemen. We all have been concentrating on our PO's back haven't we? I now want you to have a look at his torso. Do you see anything?"

Gibbs and Tony leant forward to look for what Ducky wanted them to find. Tony was the first to be successful. "Duck there is some very slight bruising here on his torso." DiNozzo tried to point out without actually touching the body.

"You are right indeed, Anthony. What you can see here would be the result of CPR administered post-mortum. My guess is that the person who found our poor victim tried to reanimate him but it was already too late. I sent some saliva samples up to Abby. If he or she left traces while mouth-to-mouth reanimation I'm sure Abby will find it."

A curt nod and "Thanks Ducky, that's good work." DiNozzo and Gibbs were in the elevator again but this time on their way to Abby's lab.

Since the lab was only one level up, the ride was short and didn't leave much time to ask some of the questions Tony was itching to get answers for. He couldn't make heads and tails out of his boss's strange behaviour.

The music that assaulted their eardrums when they got out of the elevator couldn't really be qualified as music in both their opinion. It was more like very loud noise but if their favourite goth needed this to be on top of her game then so be it

"Hey Tony, Bossman. How's it going?"

"We got a dead Petty Officer Abs." was Gibbs short answer but the look on our lab tech told us that she understood.

"Yeah I saw the pictures. Bad scene, huh?"

"Very."

Somehow he got the feeling they were talking about more than just the case but Tony couldn't quite explain what else they could be hinting at. There was no use in asking, he knew that too. For now he would wait and maybe later when he was alone with Gibbs he could ask some questions.

"Do you have anything on the samples Ducky sent up?"

"Sorry Gibbs but science takes time. I'll need another 3 hours." It was obvious that their boss wanted a different answer but the apologetic look on Abby's face stopped him from barking out. He _knew _that this stuff couldn't be rushed but that didn't mean that he couldn't grumble a bit about it.

"McGee, agenda entries. Tell me you have something!" finding a new target for his wrath Gibbs turned to his probationary agent who was typing furiously on his keyboard. "I'm still working on it boss. No ideas yet as to what they could mean."

Without any further orders Gibbs left the lab and went up to the bullpen. Tony was quick to follow, he wouldn't antagonize his boss any more.

He continued working Sanderson's military records for any incongruities but was as unsuccessful as before. Their marine was squeaky clean; there was nothing that could be used as a lead.

"Kate, talk to me. What do his financial records say?"

"Not much. He had normal savings, nothing extraordinary for a Petty Officer. There are no suspicious on-goings with his account."

Tony could see the frustration on his Boss's face. It was unusual for them to have almost nothing to work with. There were fingerprints in the house but those who weren't from Sanderson himself were from marines currently deployed over-seas. They couldn't have been involved with this murder case. Military and financial records turned up clean too. All that was left was the piece of paper McGee had found since the rest of the agenda yet failed to turn up.

"Grab your gear, we're going back to Quantico. I want to talk to Sanderson's CO."

Hurrying to the marine base, Gibbs made it in record time. This time even Kate and Tony had lost some of their colour. Gibbs didn't hesitate and the first person they crossed was practically menaced into telling them Sanderson's Commanding Officer and where he was to find. Tony actually felt sorry for the kid. He had time to get used to his boss's moods… couldn't exactly say the same thing for everybody else.

Commander Louis Guerra was, thank god Tony thought to himself, in his office. He didn't seem intimidated by Gibbs's usual gruff behaviour. Gibbs was in bastard-mode but Guerra couldn't have cared less. _Takes one, to know one_ was all Tony could come up with as explanation and he assumed he hit pretty close to home.

"I'm Special Agent Gibbs, this are Special Agent Todd and DiNozzo. We're here to ask some questions."

"I take it, your visit is linked to Sandersons death."

"We prefer to refer to it as what it is, murder in this case, Sir."

"Of course Special Agent Gibbs."

Guerra was not in the least phased. Neither the icy glare nor the harsh answers and tone intimidated him. After all he wasn't CO for many marines because he was easily thrown!

"Commander what can you tell us about Sanderson?"

"He's a good marine, sir, if that's what you mean. Obedient, tough as nails and with a sharp mind. He could have become one of the best, believe me. The potential was there."

"We got that by reading his records. Tell us about his private life. What did he do when he was off duty, did he date, etc…?"

Gibbs was aggravated and Tony could see it. The man's body language was completely off. He was tense and stiff. One would think that would be normal for Gibbs but Tony knew better. Usually he kept a straight posture but never was he tense. As he was about to analyze and profile further his attention was captured by what Sanderson's CO told them.

"As for his free time occupation I can tell you that he was a sports freak. I don't know if you have found all his equipment yet but he had a lot of stuff. He coached the football and basketball team on base. The kids liked him and he always watched out for them. Foul play and cheating was prohibited. He was popular with everybody."

"So popular that he's dead now, commander." Gibbs pointed out. He knew there was something Guerra wasn't telling. Sure it wasn't outright lying but lie by omission was just as bad.

"Well it is a tragedy,sir."

"Sure it is. So, was he involved with anybody?"

"I couldn't be sure, sir. I didn't ask and he didn't tell. As far as I know he was single."

Raising her eyebrows, Kate sat a little straighter in her chair. So their Petty Officer was gay. That opened new leads like nothing else ever did. She knew about hate crimes. Also that they were prohibited. "Don't ask Don't tell!" stood with "Don't pursue, Don't harass" for a reason. She remembered hearing about different man killed during service because they were either found out to be gay or suspected to have homosexual tendencies.

"So you don't know who he was seeing or who he had been seeing?"

"No sir."

"Thanks for your time, commander." was all Gibbs said before leaving the room. Gibbs not being one for social niceties, even this was a bit extreme in Kate's opinion. She had realized that there was something that bothered Gibbs but she couldn't put her finger on it.

She didn't think he was homophobic. Of course she couldn't be sure but Gibbs struck her as the sort of man with little to no prejudice and a high tolerance. He didn't seem to care about what gender people preferred. It was not what made a person. She knew it, Gibbs probably knew it too.

Now it was the question to find out who probably hadn't know it and let Sanderson pay for it.

"You think it's a hate crime?"

Tony's question startled her a little. Not because she had forgotten that he was there, no, but because he seemed to know what was going on in her head.

"Maybe. Could be but could be something else presented like gay bashing."

"What makes you think that? Not that I want it to be a hate crime but… how do you know it is not?"

Surprised, Kate faced her Co-worker who teased her and got on her nerves endlessly. What she saw however was genuine interest and curiosity in her observation and profiler skills. It was a pleasant surprise and a nice change.

"Well, normally gay bashing never turns into murder. A gay basher thinks that the person he is beating up is wrong in his or her opinion and that he or she needs a wake-up call. They want the person to rethink their way of life and become a better person so to speak, so in their logic killing would defeat the purpose. It would be simple murder without the chance for the gay person to become normal again and lead a life that is acceptable to the assaulter's norm." She finished her explanation. That Tony was shocked by what she had said was obvious. He had a frown on his face, eyes had become dark and his shoulders were tense.

"Hey Tony." She placed a hand on his arm and rubbed it soothingly "I know this is hard stuff but it's what's going on in some people's heads. They don't think like we do and act as they see fit. I have a job because people like that exist and need to be stopped. We have a job to do here. We can talk about it some more if you want but right now we need a murderer to catch. Ok?" her voice was calm and reasonable. She knew that this was sometimes the only way to get through to Tony.

She too was aware of his overactive imagination. It made him the good agent that he was but sadly it mad him also more vulnerable. Just like now. She knew there was something he kept from her and she wouldn't be surprised if NCIS's self-proclaimed playboy for life was playing for both teams. She would look further into this when their killer was caught.

TBC

Reviews are always welcome )


	8. 8th Part

**Author's notes:**

1. This chapter is a little shorter. I had to cut it where I did. It might not make sense to you now but you'll see… eg hehe

SparklingCatseye: I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter :-) I'm trying really hard to let Gibbs's and Tony's relationship evolve also at work with Tony being able to support and not only the other way around and I'm happy it worked. The conversation with Kate wasn't planned at all but I had to bring her in somehow and all of a sudden the last part was written.lol. I usually prefer Ziva coz I started watching late season 2.. I only saw a couple of Kate-episodes and I was sorry she died but still… I like her in my story. It's how Is see her in a way :-). Btw, this chapter came in quite quickly but the wait for the next one will be longer… just so you know, coz I'm working on the second and last chapter of "Cup of Coffe" right now.lol.

Super em: hehe, I'm glad I made you warm up a bit to Kate. I was quite surprised at myself coz I'm not a huge Kate-fan either. I don't mind her but I like Ziva better. And I'm not saying that to offend anybody out there :-). Just a matter of opinion.

**Letters and Digits**

Gibbs waited for his other two agents by the car. He was becoming impatient… well even more so than he already was, that's more like it. His talk with Commander Guerra only confirmed his suspicions. Robert Sanderson was indeed gay. The different sex-toys were a big hint but now he couldn't ignore the facts anymore. Not that he really had in the first pace. But he had let himself hope.

Now there were two options for this case. They could be faced with a hate crime or a hate crime used as cover-up for something else. He didn't like this one bit.

"DiNozzo? You pay Sanderson's closest friend's a visit and interview them. Get as much info as you can."

Tony jogged to his boss and opened the car… he pulled out his jacket and stuff. Only 1 minute later he was on his way brushing softly against Gibbs while walking away. It could have been coincidence but the older man knew better. Like in the elevator Tony showed him that he was there without big words or actions. Unconditional support was conveyed by the smallest of touches and Gibbs felt his heart warm more and more at the idea of finally having this extraordinary man all to himself.

They hadn't even been on a first date yet and no "real" kisses had been shared. Still he felt connected in a way he had seldom felt to another person save his first wife.

Feeling Kate's gaze upon him, he let go of his musings and tuned to her.

"We're going to take a look around. I want to get a picture of Sanderson's immediate neighbourhood."

"Sure boss."

Two hours later, when Kate and Gibbs returned to the car Tony was already waiting for them. His relaxed pose, back leaning against the fibreglass and basking in the last sunrays, suggested that he had done so for more than only a couple of minutes.

"Talk to me DiNozzo."

"Sanderson got around quite a lot… and I mean that as it sounded. He was always in for a good time. With quite a lot of the guys. I got the names but they asked me to keep this out of the investigation if we could. You know the deal."

Before Gibbs could say anything at all, Kate interrupted indignantly. "So essentially what you're saying is that our squeaky-clean Petty Officer was sleeping around? I can't believe it."

"He might have been an easy lay but he wasn't cheap according to the men I asked. Sorry to destroy Sanderson's image… or at least the one you had. Never judge a book by its cover. You're the profiler here."

"Am I back in high school?" Gibbs barked exasperatedly. This was getting worse by the minute. They not only had a gay and murdered marine but apparently also a "man-whore" for the lack of a better word as victim and so far no real indications what the motive could be.

"Shutting up, Boss." DiNozzo tried to pacify Gibbs. He had known that the older man wouldn't like what he had found out. The marines were his world and he liked to think that everybody had as much control about themselves as Gibbs did but this case confronted them with a different side of human nature. Tony was fairly sure that his Boss wasn't put off by the obvious kink but what he didn't like was the sleeping around part.

_Maybe he's a bit conservative when it comes to that._

It wasn't a very good explanation but all he could come up with right now. Sure it was an assumption and he had been told that, "NCIS Agents don't assume, they double-check!"more often than he could remember and on top of that his gut told him something different. With a heartfelt sigh he slid into the passenger seat and with Gibbs behind the steering wheel they were back at the Navy Yard in no time.

Sitting down at his desk and mentally going over all that they knew, Gibbs realized that they had nothing to go with. No real lead, maybe a few jilted lovers but still no obvious motive. And McGee still hadn't come up with a solution for their agenda entries.

"McGee You graduated from MIT… how difficult can it be to find something. It's only 2 letters and 6 digits, for God's sake," he barked into the receiver before he threw it down again.

Kate and Tony exchanged meaningful looks over the short distance between their desks and decided without fuss or words that they would keep low profile… for now at least.

"DiNozzo!"

"Yeah Boss?" came the hesitant answer. Tony knew that his boss was in one of his very bad moods and was ready to beg for forgiveness out of general principle. Therefore he was quite surprised at what came next.

"I need you to think with me here."

"Shoot boss."

"The entries are a single letter and a 3digit number. What could the letter be?

"First or last name. usually one letter's random and 2 are coincidence when some one wants to leave a trace."

"How many hits for marines on the Quantico base with first or last name starting with W, Kate?"

Following the indirect order immediately, she came up with the answer 10seconds later and a wince on her face.

"2643, Boss."

"Ok. With K?"

Another short break

"1829"

"Any ideas, Kate?"

"We could narrow down the number considering the unit he was in and his circle of friends." She looked up at Gibbs. The silence stretched.

"Well what are you waiting for? Do it!" Gibbs barked and Kate hurried to comply.

"Boss I think I got an idea." Tony tried tentatively. Usually being the first to shout his findings into the room, his behaviour was a bit unusual but Gibbs let it slide. He had a murderer to find!

"Let's hear it, DiNozzo."

"So we know that Sanderson has been in Quantico for 2 years now and all his friends are fellow marines. He has not much contact to people outside the base, just family visiting on the usual holidays. Therefore it would be safe to say that the killer was a marine. "

"And further knowing that he was whoring himself out, "Tony winced slightly at his choice of words when he saw Gibbs face darken almost imperceptive , "he had to have found a way by keeping them apart without anybody else being the wiser but him still knowing whom he was seeing at what time."

A slow nod confirmed that Gibbs was indeed following his line of thought. Kate looked a bit sceptical but bore with him. After all they had nothing else and she knew that Tony's hunches mostly paied off. Everybody always thought she would consider him more lucky than skilled when it came to his work as Special Agent but they were wrong. She appreciated his unconventional ways but sometimes baiting him was just too much fun. _Tit for tat, as simple as that_ she thought to herself while following Tony's musings mentally.

"Ok. And what kind of number does every marine have? Come on, it's not hard." Tony was grinning like a mad man. If this was indeed it, he had just made a major break-trough in the case. He could practically see the light bulbs flashing over Kate's and Gibbs's heads when they got what he was hinting at.

"Serial number," they stated simultaneously. Kate excited, his boss a bit more level headed.

"Exactly!" Tony smiled and moved to check serial numbers with the last three numbers identical to the ones they had found on the slip of paper.

"Tony?"

"Yeah Boss?" he looked up slightly to see what his Boss wanted and was glad he had done because the warmth he saw in his supervisors and lovers eyes made him feel 2inches taller

"That's good work." Was all Gibbs said but the younger man that his boss was sincerely grateful for him to have worked out this riddle. It was an indirect _Thank You _and Tony knew it.

"Thanks, Boss." Smiling softly he tuned back to his screen and 5 minutes later he came up with the 2 names corresponding to the letters and numbers they had decrypted successfully.

"Ok here we go. W047 is Private First Class Dean Wilson. 59376047 Complete serial number. K295 is Lance Corporal Fred Kellerman. His complete serial number would be 12436295. I talked to both of them today. You could call them Sanderson's regulars."

"Call them and bring them in for questioning."

"On it, Boss."

TBC

Reviews are appreciated :-)

I'd like to know what all of you think of my little story here :-)


	9. 9th Part

**Author's notes: First of all I'm really sorry for the long wait. You have my sincerest apologies and I'd love to promise it won't happen again, but I can't. This chapter was especially hard to write because it is so different from my other story. To write "Stay casual" I have to be in a completely different mindset than to write "Cup of Coffee" and in the last weeks it was hard to get there. Anyways I hope you like this chapter and I hope that nobod****y has lost interest in my story :-)**

**Super em:**glad you liked it. Sorry for letting you wait for the conclusion of the case so long but well… it wasn't intentional at least ::smile::

**SparklingCatseye:**Lol, I'm happy you liked the case development too. Writing and coming up with interesting cases is not my forte and likely never will be but I'm glad you liked it :-) I also wanted Tony to find the final puzzle piece because Gibbs was quite hard on him during the case… well maybe not harder than Kate and McGee but it would feel harder for him since they are involved now (does that make any sense at all?lol). Also I'm really sorry for the long wait :-( I hope you haven't lost interest in the mean time and have fun reading :-)

**Tonisimone**I'm sorry that I couldn't update sooner, really. I'm glad I finally got this out (it's longer than my usual ScBp-chapters if that's any consolation) and I hope you like it :-)

**Coming Home**

Looking back, Tony was surprised at how quickly the case was solved in the end. Well considering Gibbs's interrogation skills he really shouldn't be.

Interrogation this time had been quite unusual. Gibbs just sat there, staring PFC Dean Wilson down. Wilson in turn had been forced to watch an endless slide show with pictures taken of Sanderson's beaten and abused body. Unmoving at first, Wilson soon had become twitchy and ever so slightly pale. As the pictures continued and were shown repeatedly he had finally broken down after more than 20minutes and confessed.

"I didn't want to kill him," he started slowly at first. "We were playing like always. I knew he was into BDSM and we shared that kink. I was the sadist to his masochism. That night though…"

"Something happened," Gibbs supplied.

"Yeah. We… What Rob and I had was the occasional roll in the hay together. Didn't mean I didn't want it to be more though. I never talked to him about it. It was obvious that he didn't want to give up his lifestyle, that he didn't want to be tied down to one person and stay exclusive."

"So you killed him."

"No! Yeah… I mean I didn't want to. It wasn't intentional. We were in the middle of a scene and it was more intense than usual. He safeworded."

"You didn't respect it," Gibbs's came to the only obvious conclusion.

"No, I didn't. I… became so angry. I wanted him to at least accept me completely as his master when I couldn't have him in any other way. He said the word again and again. I could read the fear in his eyes." The first tears made their way down PFC Wilson's face. "But I didn't stop. I wanted him to stay silent. I pressed my hand on his mouth… his movements became weaker and weaker… until they stopped completely."

Their suspect was now crying openly but silently. "I killed him. I didn't mean to, but _dear God _I killed him."

The silence that followed was deafening. Gibbs continued to watch the crying and obviously distraught marine quietly. Only after a few minutes of silent observation Gibbs got up and turned to the mirrored glass.

"Tony, book him," came the quiet command and the younger man didn't hesitate to follow the order.

"PFC Dean Wilson, you have the right to remain silent, you have the right…" was all Gibbs heard as Tony dragged the murderer away to his cell. Their case was officially closed now but he knew he wouldn't be able to let it go just then.

They found out later that it was Lance Corporal Fred Kellerman's saliva they had found during the testing. He admitted to having found Sanderson and having tried to reanimate him but it had been too late. He didn't want to be linked to the case so he had just left afterwards. It was all Tony could do to not shake his head in disgust at the marine's unbecoming behaviour.

Back in the bullpen, Kate, Tony and McGee were working on the finishing touches of their reports. It was eerily silent, no jokes, no flippant comment traded between Kate and Tony. The three Special Agents were aware of their boss's mood and didn't want to provoke him any further.

Watching the clock and seeing that it was well past six Gibbs told his agents to go home. They followed without having been told twice and ten minutes later Gibbs was alone in the bullpen. At least for five minutes.

Looking up when he heard the elevator coming up again he wasn't really surprised when he saw Tony coming out. "What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home?"

Tony just shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, you did but I forgot to sign off on something." As if, were Gibbs's only thoughts when he observed Tony powering up his computer again, sitting down and getting to work again. Still he didn't have to wait long until a window popped up on his screen. It was from the internal IM service.

"U ok?" was all it said but it showed that Tony had realized a change in his boss's behaviour. It made Gibbs feel a little warmer.

"Yeah. I think so." He didn't really want to go into detail over IM. He still preferred face to face conversations as it was.

"Doesn't sound awfully sure, if you ask me, Boss."

"Well I'm not asking you, am I?" growing irritated didn't really help the situation but Gibbs couldn't help it. Today had been a long day as it was. Watching Tony however he knew that he had stepped over some line since the other man's face closed up and no further reply was forthcoming.

He definitely started to worry when he saw Tony powering down his computer and pulling on his jacket. The movements were jerky and lacked their usual grace, the one Gibbs always had secretly admired. He really _was_ a bastard.

"Taken care of what you forgot?" he wasn't good with apologies, never had been. He just hoped to God that Tony took the opening for what it was.

"Yeah. I think so." The reply almost made Gibbs smile. Tony had indeed caught up.

"Doesn't sound sure, if you ask me." He repeated what he transpired only a couple of minutes earlier via IM

"I'm not asking, am I?" facing his boss finally, Tony let him see his smirk. It was then that Gibbs knew that he was forgiven. At least temporarily since he was sure that Tony wouldn't let go of this particular topic any time soon.

Tony left again but it didn't take long and Gibbs cell started buzzing and ringing. Irritated he moved to pick it up but stopped when he saw Tony's name as caller ID.

"Yeah?"

"Hey boss, it's me."

"I guessed as much," Gibbs chuckled "I may not be all that savvy when it comes to technology but I have successfully worked out the term of "caller ID"!" Tony's laugh made him feel ten feet tall.

"Good to know, boss. I just wanted to… you know… do you have plans for tonight?" the young man stumbled a bit to get the words out and it was clear to Jethro that he was nervous. He already had been when they were alone in his apartment the other day.

"No I don't. Is that about to change?" Gibbs challenged. He knew Tony would loose part of his nervousness if he was faced with a familiar concept and flirting, the younger man was definitely familiar with.

"Maybe. That depends on whether you want to see me tonight or not." Surprised at the quite forward question Gibbs took a moment to answer.

"Um sorry, boss. That…I guess that came out different than it was supposed to…If you don't want to that's-"

Quickly interrupting the young man Gibbs tried to salvage the situation. "No it came out right. I was just a bit surprised because you were so up front all of a sudden. Nothing to worry about though. We're cool." Congratulating himself internally on his small but apparently effective speech, Gibbs quickly added, "And I'd like to see you tonight. Do you want to come over to my place?

"Yeah," Tony answered and Gibbs could literally hear the pleased smile in the other man's voice. "I'd like that. Very much so."

"Ok. In an hour?" Gibbs suggested

"Works for me," Tony agreed.

"See you then."

"Yeah,bye."

Gibbs flipped his cell shut with a small smile. He was looking forward to tonight and spending time with Tony but at the same time he also dreaded it. He knew he had to explain his particular behaviour from today to his new lover and he knew he had to do it soon. He just wasn't really looking forward to that conversation. He had no clue as to how Tony would react and Gibbs sure as hell didn't like not knowing.

Driving back home at his usual breakneck speed, Gibbs arrived just in time. Not a minute later Tony's car pulled up the driveway and got out of the car to join Gibbs. He didn't come with empty hands though.

"I brought dinner, just in case. I didn't think you'd want to cook or go out so I took the liberty of bringing Chinese take-away. That alright?" Tony asked, seeming completely hyper for one reason or another.

"Sure, dinner and lovely company. What's more to ask for?" Gibbs winked at his younger lover and again, faced with banter and flirting, the younger man's shoulders relaxed and he smiled openly.

Congratulating himself to a job well done, Gibbs opened the front door and held it open for Tony. That action got him another, much warmer smile and Jethro again wondered how this evening would pass and if his younger lover would still smile so easily at him if he knew.

Tony and Gibbs immediately moved to the living room where they sat down on the comfortable couch. Placing the bag on the table right in front of the couch, Tony took out two carton boxes with their respective meals.

"I wasn't exactly sure what your favourite was so I ordered Sezchuan pork for you. I hope that's ok? If you want you can still always have mine. I don't m-" Gibbs interrupted him quickly.

"Really, that's fine with me. Is there a reason why you're so nervous tonight?" the older man inquired, barely managing to disguise his rising curiosity.

"No." Short answer and far too quick. Gibbs knew immediately that it was a lie but let it go for now.

They ate in companionable silence and when they talked, it was about random topics. Not about the case, they just closed today though. Finishing dinner almost at the same time as Tony, Gibbs took the remains with him into the kitchen and threw everything away. He then quickly started a new pot of coffee and was joined by Tony as he waited for it to finish.

"Are you ok?" the younger man asked tentatively

"Yeah, sure. Why are you asking?" Gibbs looked up surprised.

Tony just shrugged his shoulders in response. "Today was a long day and you seemed… tense… a lot more than usually. I thought that maybe there was something wrong or…" shrugging his shoulders again, this time helplessly, Tony looked at his boss and lover.

"There was nothing wrong per se…," Gibb started after having turned around to face Tony. "but the case today was quite personal in a way." He finished looking his lover square in the eyes looking for whatsoever reaction.

"Personal in what way?" Tony asked, clearly confused. He didn't really know what his boss meant but he was willing to bear with him. He hadn't liked today, the anger and frustration that was apparent whenever he looked at the older man. But what he liked even less was the fact that he didn't know the reason and therefore couldn't do anything for his lover to ease the tension.

In the meantime the coffee pot finished and Jethro poured himself a cup. He knew that his younger lover didn't care for coffee in the evening so he didn't offer.

"Can we maybe continue this in the living room? This is likely going to be a longer conversation since I got to tell you a few things. We might as well make ourselves comfortable." Gibbs offered.

"Okay," Tony agreed warily.

He really had no idea what the other man was hinting at but it seemed to be pretty damn important so he just nodded and went to sit down on the couch again. He tucked his feet underneath his body and got comfortable. Gibbs took a seat at the other end of the sofa and turned so the he could face Tony easily. They weren't sitting as close as possible but still not too far away from each other either.

"Do you remember when we were in Abby's lab today? When she asked whether it was a bad scene?" Gibbs started. There was no real way to introduce this discussion so he took the first opening the presented itself.

"Yeah. She was pretty put off by the picture. They were bad but we had worse. I guess it was not her day today." Tony explained thoughtfully.

"That sounds pretty good as explanation but it's not entirely true. You have to know that "scene" as she meant it was not meant to stand for crime scene but for a BDSM set up." Gibbs elaborated.

"Huh… ok… and you know that how?" the younger man inquired hesitantly

"Because… because I've been active in the scene too. That's why." Gibbs forced out before he could talk himself into breaking up this conversation. He needed to be honest with Tony but it was god damn _hard_. They hadn't even started properly and it could be over in a matter of minutes.

"So what you are saying as that you have participated or still do participate in BDSM play?" Gibbs's younger lover asked somewhat incredulously.

"Yeah." The older man admitted.

"Wow," Tony stated, clearly amazed by the piece of information he had just gotten. "I came up with a number of explanations for your behaviour today but this was nowhere _near_ what I had imagined. You sure know how to surprise a guy."

"You seem to be pretty cool with that." Gibbs said cautiously. "Not that I'm complaining," he added, almost like an afterthought.

"Well, yeah. I mean I really hadn't thought about you being into BDSM but now in hindsight, it seems obvious. You're a Dom, aren't you?" Tony asked, curiosity clearly evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I am."

"Go figure," Tony smiled. "You're a leader, forceful by nature and also sometimes dominant but in a different context. I'm surprised, yes but I really shouldn't be. So much for my observation skills." The younger man joked.

Gibbs still couldn't wrap his head around Tony being so easy-going about this. The usual reaction he got was minor to major freak out. But not this easy acceptance.

"Are you ok with this?" the older man asked, incredulous.

"Uhm…yeah? Why shouldn't I be?" Tony was clearly confused now.

"It's just… I'm not used to this sort of reaction. You amaze me, really." Gibbs stated, in awe of the younger man.

Tony blushed prettily at the unforeseen compliment. "I've seen a lot of things because of work, especially when I was with the PD. I always knew about the scene, heard a fair bit what it supposedly would be like. I never really got into it though. Some of my girlfriends wanted to play with scarves and blindfolds but nothing heavy. Something tells me that you didn't play lightly." Tony supplied his lover with information

"You're right there. It's been years since I was active in the scene but when I was, it was hardcore. Even though I didn't play in a long time, it's not something you loose. You don't just become a Dom for a certain period of time, it always stays with you."

"I see. So what was it about that scene today that got you so angry?" Tony asked, clearly interested in the topic at hand instead of being put off.

"When I saw the body my first thought was that it had been a crime of passion, of anger. And that was the point that got me so riled up. When you play, when you are in a scene, the Dom has the obligation to respect the other's safeword. There is no excuse for not doing so. The sub lays all his trust into the Dom's hand and Wilson not only threw that trust away he stepped on it with both feet too." Gibbs explained to his younger lover. "He was angry and he should have stopped the moment he realized that he had lost control over his emotions. Playing should follow the rules of 'Safe, Sane and Consensual'. Wilson broke all of them and that's unforgivable." He finished elaborating his point of view.

"Yeah, I guess I see what you mean. I don't know enough about all that but I think I followed until there." Tony smiled apologetically.

"No worries, you don't need to. I just wanted to explain. And also to apologize for today. I knew I wasn't easy to work with. Thanks for putting up with me, especially after yesterday since things between us are still new. I didn't want to belittle you in any way and if I did, I'm really sorry." Gibbs apologized and looked deep into Tony's eyes.

The acceptance he saw there made him question if he really deserved the young man sitting a couple of inches away from him.

"You're forgiven." Tony replied after only a moment of brief hesitation and smiled at the obvious relief that flooded his lover's body. The older man relaxed visibly and Gibbs couldn't help but think that this could have gone a lot worse than it had.

That the topic of conversation was _not _over was when Gibbs saw Tony tense up and start biting his lower lip. An enticing sight under normal circumstances, now it just proved that Tony was worried and nervous about something. Before Gibbs could question his younger lover about what was bothering him, Tony had taken the initiative, for the lack of a better word.

"Does that change anything for us? Can we still be… together?"

The insecurity Gibbs could make out in Tony's eyes hurt almost physically. He carefully grabbed the hand that was closest to him and softly tugged Tony closer to him, until the younger man could lean against him.

"No, Tony this doesn't change a thing between us. I just told you to explain my mood today. I didn't tell you to make you feel obligated to play too. That wasn't what I wanted, not at all. You have to know that being a Dom is only a part of me, like being a Marine and NCIS Special Agent is." Gibbs explained gently. This wasn't easy to get across and he hoped his lover understood what he was trying to say.

"So rather than being a 24/7 thing, it's more like… depending on the mood?" Tony asked

"You could see it that way. You already said that I am forceful by nature and that's true. But I don't feel the need to dominate everybody that crosses my path." Gibbs tried to lighten the mood and the soft and warm chuckle he got felt wonderful.

"And if I were to say that I maybe want to try this with you? Sometime?" the younger man leaning against his side asked tentatively and Gibbs couldn't help but stare in silent amazement.

"Tony, I don't think we should decide this now." he wanted to continue explaining but Tony started to withdraw immediately and he had to tighten his arm around his lover's shoulder to keep him from bolting.

"Just let me finish, ok? I didn't mean it like that. Please?" Gibbs asked and felt Tony relax slightly against him, though not all of the tension left the younger man's body.

"The thing is, that this relationship between us is so new. When it comes to D/s play the most important thing is trust. And I know you trust me to have your six, but this is different, you can't compare the two. There are many things to talk through before really starting to play and I think that it's better to first get comfortable like this before taking it somewhere else."

Tony stayed silent but Gibbs had the feeling that the younger man would understand. He surely had heard some things a bout the scene and knew how bad things could end up when safety and rules weren't considered. Jethro could never forgive himself, would he let Tony jump ahead of himself and get hurt in the process. Playing was intense on a whole new level. Tony wasn't even close to ready for that.

"Ok," the younger man sighed. "I understand what you mean." And Gibbs was sure that Tony did but he didn't like the defeated undertone in his lover's voice.

"But?" he inquired

"It's just… I have the feeling I should be able to handle this, to be able to please you." The helpless shrug of his shoulders told Jethro that he had to tread carefully. Their relationship was so new and he berated himself for bringing all this up. It was far too soon but he couldn't take it back anymore.

"You don't have to, Tony. I don't need you to submit to me to be happy with you. I… I fell in love with you not because I thought you would make a good sub, but because you are a wonderful person. You make me smile when I need it and somehow you always know what to say or do to lighten my mood. You're a vibrant, attractive young man and that's the reason I fell in love with you." Jethro explained and pressed a soft kiss to Tony's temple.

The younger man snuggled closer and it was then that the mood changed. Gibbs noticed it and he was sure that Tony had too. The look on his younger lover's face when he tilted his head up to face the older man told him he had been right. Slowly they moved closer together and meeting midway, they shared their first kiss.

It was chaste and infinitely soft, a brush of lips against lips but it left both men trembling from the intensity of the moment. It was like a dam had burst and their kisses grew more passionate by the minute. It was crazy what they did to each other.

Jethro pulled back for a split second when the need for oxygen won out and the sight that greeted him as he opened his eyes shot a spike of arousal through his body. Tony's eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, swollen and red from the intense kissing. The soft flush suffusing his cheeks made sight all the more endearing and gave Tony an air of vulnerability.

They met again and this time Gibbs let Tony explore. He surrendered willingly and without hesitation to the soft but determined onslaught of the younger man's tongue. Trying to get closer, he shifted his body until he covered Tony's and they were lying on the couch.

The sensation of having Tony's body underneath his felt wonderful and he could tell that his lover shared his quiet amazement if the gaze full of love and awe set upon him was anything to go by. This was so completely different from anything he had shared with his other partners. It was everything he had missed for a long time and lying here like this, with his lover felt like coming home after a long long journey.

TBC

Reviews are appreciated ::smile::


	10. AN 2

Well this is not so much an chapter as an author's note. I absolutely loved the great feedback I got up to now on this story but I feel like I need to take a little break from it. I gave it my all and now I can't help but feel a little drained

I'm going to write a few other pieces in the meantime and get new ideas for the story. I have some, yes but at the moment I need to step back for a little while. I hope everybody understands.

::smile::

Nathalie


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